From Girl to Queen
by n1nastill
Summary: The diary of the former Queen of Arendelle, showing her life and thoughts from the years leading up to her tragic death.
1. June 4th 1814

_June 4th 1814, Quarter past three in the afternoon._

I have had _the_ most outrageous day today. My father called me into his private study, where to my surprise stood Amie, Petter and their father King Alexander. It turns out my father and the King made an agreement when I was just six, to give my hand to the heir of Arendelle. Can you believe it? I have to admit, I knew, now that I have turned eighteen I would have to think about marriage, but I always assumed I would have a choice. That I would spend a couple of years being courted by sons of Dukes and Lords. Not have an arranged marriage, to my best friend's brother of all people. But then again my mother was one for telling me 'there is no good in assuming'.

Initially I was outraged at this arrangement, and I made that very clear, much to my father's displeasure. I truly believed my family were trying to destroy my life, that they only wanted me to marry the Prince in order to boost their social status from a simple Knight family to possibly that of a Lord. However according to both my father and the King that was not the case, despite them still being unable to come up with a better reason as to why we are marrying.

I know what you are thinking diary, 'why are you so upset? You have a better arrangement than Amie.' I know this is the case, I am luckier than her. She has to marry the Prince of Corona, a man she is yet to meet and move to a land she has never stepped foot in. But what can I say, I like to be free. Or as my mother calls it, disobedience, which I completely disagree with, then again I do disagree with almost everything mother says. I do admit, the idea of marrying a Prince is quite… thrilling, for lack of a better word, I used to always imagine becoming a Princess as a young girl, but I had assumed it would never happen. I know, another assumption, they are my weakness along with chocolate.

_Nine forty two in the evening_

It's me again, I just had the most awkward dinner known to man. Like every Saturday I had dinner with my family and Arendelle's Royal children. But we have never had to have a meal when I was engaged to their son. Every time I spoke to Petter I stumbled over my worlds like when I was learning, no I lie, _trying_ to learn French. As you are well aware I am naturally awkward, but it is as if suddenly my brain decided to kick it up a notch without consulting me.

The thing that scares me the most is the thought of falling in love with a boy, no, man I have grown up with. We will expect to consummate the marriage and eventually have children, which terrifies me. He is not the most attractive man I have ever known, that title would go to one of the Castle's stable hands, however he isn't unsightly. I have always admired his light red hair which he would often tuck behind his ear when it got a little too long for his liking, and his eyes, they are breath-taking, I have always been jealous of the gentle green irides of Arendelle's Royal family. How I could just stare into them for hours.

Oh dear, I am starting to blush. Don't judge me, I am a young woman after all, who is allowed to have…feelings and thoughts of a, how shall I put it, slightly erotic nature. Even if it is for my childhood friend. On that note, I think I shall call it a night and make my way to bed. Goodnight.


	2. June 11th 1814

_June 11th 1814, Three twenty two in the morning_

I can't sleep, I had been subjected to an excessive amount of a shock this evening causing me to be unable to turn off my brain. After our weekly dinner, this time at the castle rather than my home, Amie, Petter and I went to sit in the gallery, as per tradition, so we could devour luxury imported biscuits we keep hidden under the 'J. of A. bench' as we like to call it. As we laid there on our backs, I felt a soft hand place itself on my shoulder. Initially I thought Amie was planning to lie on my chest as she often did when drowsy and full of food, unfortunately, as I so often do, I assumed. I need to learn. Who am I trying to kid? I will never learn. Oh sorry, I digress.

So, I turned to tell Amie she could put her head on me if wanted, and then it happened. Petter put his lips to mine. Clearly I had forgotten that Amie was to my left, not my right. Any normal woman my age, when finding herself in this situation would have leant into the kiss, urging it to continue. Regrettably I am no normal woman, which was clearly shown by my actions after I realised Petter was kissing me. I slapped him. I slapped him with enough force to render even a horse unconscious.

You should have seen the look he gave me, he just laid there, his eyes wide, slowly welling up with tears. My first instinct was to apologise, but I pushed that feeling deep inside, instead I rose from the floor before slamming my foot on the parquet flooring. I shouted at the top of my voice that it wasn't decent of a Prince to kiss a woman without permission. He didn't, no, he _couldn't_ reply, he was frozen in a state of shock. So I apologised to Amie for my inappropriate behaviour before walking out of the room, almost turning it into a run.

As I left the gallery I felt a hand take hold of my arm, pulling me around. It was Petter, with a meek look on his face, his freckled cheek glowing red from the slap. He mumbled what sounded like an apology for his behaviour, saying it was unbecoming of a Prince, especially towards his fiancée.

So I did the unexpected, I firmly seized his hand, feeling a smile spread across my face as I leant in. Giving him a gentle 'apology accepted' kiss.

Now here I am, sat at my desk, unable to sleep. My emotions swirling inside my stomach, threatening to explode, I am both angry at Petter yet thrilled that he kissed me in such an ungentlemanly manner. He would always act calm and collected, just as he father taught him to be, but often this left him seemingly cold to outsiders. Only when he feels most comfortable will he leave this regal demeanour at the door. I can't help but smile as I think that he must have been comfortable enough to do something so…bold, particularly in front of his sister.

Oh dear, I have just realised that this entry has taken me over an hour to write, I should try and get some sleep as I have a piano exam in the morning. If I don't sleep now I will never wake in time. Goodnight.


	3. June 12th 1814

_June 12th 1814, two in the afternoon_

I am such a fool. I knew I had to be up early this morning, so I requested Gerda my personal maid to wake me at seven. Surely enough, as a good employee and friend, she did, seven times apparently. It wasn't until it had just gone past ten o'clock did I ultimately peel myself away from my soft sheets. My piano exam was at half past ten. You should have seen my hair, it was abysmal, I need to remember to keep my hair tied back as I sleep in an aim to keep it from losing control. Then again I have been telling myself that for the past five years.

It took me over twenty minutes just to tame it, attempting to pull it back into a loose bun. I was then able to finally dress myself before running to the drawing room, since my father has a strict 'no running in the halls' rule I have now perfected a run that looks as if I am gracefully flowing across the carpeted flooring. When I finally reached the room, I opened the door to see my tutor stood waiting for me, her hands on her hips and a face only a mother could love. I can still hear her grating, unnaturally low voice in my ears as she spoke "You are late. Now sit." From that moment I knew this was not going to be an easy exam.

If hell is real, then mine will be filled with pianos and endless mind numbingly painful exams. I was so thankful when I had finally finished, what was possibly the world's hardest piece of music ever written. Or it could be that piano is not my forte, I have always preferred dancing and singing. My brother on the other hand was always good at piano, much to my father's disapproval, calling it 'queer' and 'unusual', but to be fair my father often found a lot of things my brother did to be queer. I could never understand why, I always enjoyed watching him sew and paint as we sat in the gardens. I was so jealous when I found out that he left for Paris with his best friend, I believe his name was Phillip, I have always wanted to visit. I heard it was beautiful, especially during the summer months, when I become Queen I will go to Paris and visit my brother. I just realised, I am rambling aren't I? My apologies.

Back to the original reason as to why I am writing. I only just scraped by and achieved a pass, my mother would have preferred a higher mark, but she has abnormally high standards, even when I become Queen I will never be good enough. Oh, Gerda my maid is knocking, I shall take my leave and write later tonight.


	4. June 20th 1814

_June 20th 1814, I have lost all sense of time_

I cannot exaggerate enough how profoundly sorry I am for not writing when promised. At present I am sat in what only can be described as the world's smallest and most uncomfortable carriage, as Amie and I make our way to Corona for her wedding in three days' time. Unfortunately Amie's family are away on business, so it my duty as her friend to escort her to Corona for preparations. The smile across Amie's face shows she is happy, possibly excited about the forthcoming marriage, however I can see in her eyes she is worried. I am holding her hand, hoping to calm her heart, unfortunately this makes it increasingly difficult to make my handwriting remotely legible, so I shall put down my pencil and wait to continue this after dinner.

_Eleven in the evening_

Did you know a dinner can last up to four hours? No, neither did I, but clearly in Corona it is common place to have mind numbly long dinners. Finally Amie and I met her fiancée, he was very striking. An older man, by five years with broad shoulders and square jaw with a lightly trimmed brown beard. Normally I would find a man like this…frightening, but his eyes were gentle and his laugh was soft. Amie was smitten, which gave me an immense sense of relief to know my friend was in good hands and will be, as far as I can tell, happy.

I have to admit, I think a large part of how he has won Amie over is by supplying a large amount of expensive Belgian chocolate for dessert. If that is how they will eat every evening she will have to start thinking about her waistline, unlike me who, can eat as much I desire without gaining an ounce of weight, which was something that makes Amie immensely jealous.

On a less vain note, tomorrow I shall accompany Amie around Corona to meet the locals and explore the kingdom. I have always enjoyed visiting the lower classes, I so dislike using that phrase but a less offensive one eludes me. Plebeians? Working-class? Ordinary? Oh gosh, I am slowly digging myself into a deep hole. I think I should stop before I make this situation worse. I bid you goodnight.


	5. June 24th 1814

_June 24th 1814, Midday, possible, maybe a bit earlier_

My head feels as if I have been struck by a sleigh. Yesterday was Amie's wedding and I may have drunk more than my small body can handle during the evenings informal celebration. From what I can remember Amie looked beautiful in her simple, yet fitted dress with an intricately laced bodice, personally I think she would have looked better without sleeves, but it isn't 'proper' for a wedding.

Oh my, I yearn to crawl back into bed and pretend last night never happened, sadly my coach is leaving in an hour for Arendelle, where I will spend the next two hours sitting next to Petter and his mother before being stuck in a boat with them for another ten, which won't be awkward at all… I feel like crying, this is the last time I drink champagne.

_Ten minutes past one in the afternoon._

The Queen does not look pleased. Both Petter and I know it is not appropriate for a Prince and his fiancée to indulge in alcoholic luxuries to such an extent that they make a fool of themselves by kissing…heavily in front of the entire wedding party. Yes, you read that right, we kissed for best part of ten minutes. We were so intoxicated that we were lost in the moment while dancing, then our lips locked and before long, we were caught up in a mixture of passion and alcohol. I do have to admit, I thought for a moment we were going to consummate our marriage before the event itself. Which isn't the worse thought in the world, wait, did I just write that? Oh dear, and now Petter is reading over my shoulder, he must have seen me blush. Things just get better and better.

_Five minutes to midnight._

I am currently looking at myself in the vanity mirror which is situated in one of the castle's many guest bedrooms. Due to our journey back from Corona taking longer than anticipated, King Alexander invited me to stay for the night rather and riding in the coach for an extra hour until I finally reach home. As I walked with Petter towards my room, his quarters being located down the hall from where I am currently housed, he takes me hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I turn to look at him, my eyes meeting his by accident. I felt like glancing away, but fearful of seeming rude I continued to watch him, I was so captivated by his pale green eyes that I failed to notice we had stopped walking. He pulled my hands to his chest, and said something that I was never expecting. 'I know you do not love me, however my heart is truly yours. And this may not be ideal for you, nonetheless I promise, from the bottom of my heart I will love you and treat you with nothing but respect and dignity in the hope to keep you happy.' With that he gave me a light kiss on the cheek before leaving me in front of my bedroom door, squealing internally like the little, awkward girl I used to be.

Do you know what? I believe I am falling for him, actually I am wrong with saying that. I may have always loved him, but never registered it as such in my brain, as I thought I could never love and marry a man like him until twenty days ago when I our engagement was announced.

This may possibly end up being a sleepless night for as I reflect on these feelings I may or may not have for my friend…no, my fiancée. Sleep well.


	6. June 30th 1814

_June 30th 1814, Six o'clock in the evening_

With our pending nuptials and the Kings ever deteriorating health, Petter has suggested that I move to the castle so I am able to get a feel for how everything runs. Petter will slowly be taking over the duties from his father, while I help his mother with, well I am not completely sure as to what I will be doing, but I am here to support my soon-to-be-husband, no matter what. I know this arrangement is not considered normal, however there is nothing suspicious happening, unlike the rumours, I am not with child, I have not become mistress to the King and yes, I do have my own quarters as to avoid any other possible scandal. Now if you excuse me I have to freshen up before dinner, moving is exhausting, especially as I refuse to allow the servants to put my clothes away, I know how I like my wardrobe meaning I have spent the last three hours sorting through my many trunks of clothing.

_Quarter to ten in the evening_

Dinner felt awkward, this was the first time I have had a meal in the Castle without at least Amie by my side, throwing peas at her brother. Instead of sitting in silence, my spine shivering every time a fork scratched across a plate, and feeling the Queen's eyes burn holes into the side of my head. I honestly have no clue as to why she doesn't like me, she never has, maybe she doesn't like my less than perfect attitude? To be perfectly honest, that woman has always been a mystery to me.

One thing that has kept me positive is knowing that my maid Gerda has come with me to the castle, a woman who I have known since I was a baby. She was born in our house eight years prior to me, her mother being the housemaid. Gerda started off as my friend and eventually became my private and most trusted maid. Despite her being terrifying and strict at times, just like her mother, she is always friendly and caring, knowing when to give you a chocolate if upset or ill. Speak of the devil, she is telling me I should already be in bed through the door, I better do as she says if I don't want to feel her wrath, goodnight.


	7. July 3rd 1814

_July 3rd 1814, one in the afternoon_

I never realised what a bother it is to organise a wedding. Picking colours, themes, food, cake, and what is worse…choosing a dress design. For the last three hours I have sat in the drawing room looking at numerous dress designs from apparently famous designers who I have never heard of. Clearly I must be uncultured as to have not heard of these men and women, who all seem have an obsession with hideous lace trim. So with that in mind, I have taken my own initiative and asked my mother to design my dress as I know she will do a damn sight better than others who don't know what I like. The Queen does not agree with my plan, however I do not care what she thinks, it is not her wedding and I shall do what feels right, no other woman will tell me otherwise. No wonder she dislikes me.


	8. July 9th 1814

_July 9th 1814, half past seven in the evening_

At present I am laid on my bed, tears flowing freely, feeling distraught and furious, so much so that I wish I could scream until I faint. My parents came to visit, I assumed it was just for my mother to show me the dress design. It was partly with that intention, but the main reason, which is why I am irate, is they came to tell me they were leaving Arendelle. Can you believe that? Leaving a month before my wedding! According to my father they have always wanted to travel but never had the chance because of my brother and me, but since he has left and I am getting married they thought of this a perfect opportunity. Clearly they did not believe that I would need them, I may be eighteen and about to start my own life, but I need my parents, I need my family.

_Half past eight in the evening_

Twenty minutes ago there was a knock at my door, expecting it was Gerda I beckoned her into my bedroom. However it wasn't Gerda, by my surprise it was Petter. He was worried when I didn't attend dinner, bless him, he truly does care. Obviously noticing I was upset by the news of my parents leaving, he sat on the bed next to me, running his fingers through my hair. My heart skipped a beat when I realised that he remembered how soothing I found it. Not a sound left his mouth, knowing he wasn't good at comforting words, but I knew he cared when he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, as he would often do when I was upset as a child. I couldn't help myself, my heart started to fill with love, so I leant in, giving him a kiss on his thin lips as to say thank you.

When our lips parted I rested my head against his, and I spoke three words that even surprised myself, 'I love you'. I have never seen Petter look so happy, pulling me into another kiss, this time one that was filled with passion. We were moaning, panting, our hands exploring each other's bodies over our clothes, then it hit me, we had to stop this. I pushed Petter away, a deep blush on my cheeks, I apologised over and over, explaining I wanted to wait until we were married as otherwise it could cause an array of problems. Petter understood, as he always does and left.

Now I am sat here in bed, my body aching, wanting my fiancée, right now all I can think about is our upcoming wedding night.


	9. July 29th 1814

_July 29th 1814, seven in the evening_

I cannot believe it, there are four days until my wedding and I have caught the flu. I feel as if I am on the verge of coughing up a lung or two, I have never felt so ill in my entire, albeit short, life. I am just hoping that drinking this so called 'tea' that Gerda has made for me, will perk me up in time for my big day, oh sorry, I mean _our _big day, can't have a wedding without two in attendance. According to her the tea is to flush all poisons from my body, I am pleading that does not mean what I believe it means. I suppose only time will tell.

_Ten minutes past eight in the evening_

I hate it when I am right… I shall say no more.


	10. August 3rd 1814

_August 3rd 1814, five minutes past one in the morning_

I am currently watching _my husband _as he sleeps peacefully. I feel giddy every time I use that phrase 'my husband', it is as if I am that child who used to wear her mother's shoes and dresses in order to pretend that I am getting married. At the time my husband would always be Amie, much to my parent's disapproval. However as I look down and my own, adult body, clad in a thin, violet, silken gown am I reminded that I no longer can call myself a child, nor can anyone else. I have now taken the first step into womanhood, by giving myself fully to Petter, my husband and more importantly, my friend.

The sex was slightly awkward, during our wedding celebration Petter took my hand, taking me into the dining room, locking the door behind him. He brought me to his chest, kissing me deeply, we were both getting carried away but it no longer mattered, we wanted to get lost in each other.

Unfortunately neither of us were one hundred percent sure on what the best approach to sex would be, but as a good husband and Prince, Petter took over. He slowly undressed me, kissing me across my bare skin, soon he was kissing me in my most private of places, somewhere that I had only explored when on my own, and I have to say, it was most pleasurable. I might even go as far to say, orgasmic. Oh if anyone read this diary they would see me as licentious by saying such a thing, but at this moment in time I couldn't care less, I am happy. So _happy _in fact I may just have to wake Petter to show him.

_Quarter past seven in the morning_

I regret waking Petter up, we didn't finally go back to sleep until four in the morning, which was unfortunate because we had to be up at six to prepare for the day ahead. We both forgot we had a host of wedding related duties and functions to attend all day. What is even worse, is Petter has neglected to shave his upper lip, claiming he wants to grow a moustache as it will make him seem mature, I am worried as to what he will look like with one.

_Sometime after nine in the evening_

Today was exhausting, but quite enjoyable. The townspeople were so pleased to see us, giving us an array of handmade gifts, the majority baby related, which keeps reminding me that soon I will be expected to give birth to an heir. Which is something, with the way Petter and I are going, won't be long. We just cannot keep our hands off each other, I didn't realise love, and sex could be this strong. However, back on topic, I was given this beautiful winter cap by a local milliner, it is made of expensive, light blue wool, trimmed with darker blue, before being finished off with delicate silver stitching. I think out of all the hats I own, this is far the most beautiful. I am going to treasure it.

I have just been given the biggest fright of my life, I thought my husband was asleep, turns out I was wrong, his hand is slowly making its way up my nightgown. I have to say I am torn between finishing this entry or


	11. August 20th 1814

_August 20th 1814, eleven minutes past eight_

Currently I am sat at the dining table, eating breakfast alone as Petter tries to sort out both a funeral and a coronation. In the early hours of this morning King Alexander passed away in his sleep. It is a sad day for Arendelle, as they have lost one of the most powerful Kings to have ever ruled, and Petter has lost his father at much too young of an age.

I have asked numerous times if there is anything I can help with, just to be told 'no'. I feel like an ornament, useless, unable to do anything, so instead I shall be a supportive wife.

_Ten o'clock in the morning_

Oh my goodness, it has just dawned on me, I am going to become Queen.

_Twenty three minutes past two in the afternoon._

Queen…

_Half past seven in the evening_

I feel awful, my father-in-law has died and I just feel excited about becoming a Queen.


	12. August 23rd 1814

_August 23rd 1814, seven minutes past nine in the evening_

Today was awful and heart wrenching. I had to watch my husband bury his father, his eyes full of anger and sadness as he tried to hold back the tears. Only when he was in the confines of our chambers did he finally break down. Falling to his knees as he held the bed with a tight grip, sobbing uncontrollably, I tried several times to comfort him, only to have him push me away each time. So I let him be. I am currently writing this from my quarters rather than our shared bed, Petter needs his space even though I find it difficult to leave him. We have been through so much these last three months that it feels as if I am abandoning him and his love even though I know it is the right thing to do.

The one other thing that made this day additionally unbearable for him was many guests kept commenting on how they couldn't wait for our joint coronation. Do they have no heart? It is awful to say such a thing to a man who has just buried his father, no more than two hours previous. Clearly tact is something many other gentry and Royals do not possess. If my old tutor saw them now, he would curse them to the high heavens for such inappropriate behaviour.


	13. September 1st 1814

_September 1st 1814, twelve minutes past two in the afternoon_

Currently I am watching my husband pace up and down the library as if it was his wedding day again, the caterpillar above his lip, which claims to be facial hair, twitching with each intake and expulsion of breath. It is both amusing, yet slightly worrying as I have a feeling if he keeps this up he will pass out. It is just a coronation for goodness sake, all we have to do is stand there, listen to the bishop mutter a few words in a language no one speaks any longer, take the crowns, then Petter with pose with the sceptre and peculiar ball thing…I really need to ask what that is because to me it looks like something that would adorn a Christmas tree. Then there you have it, we are the new King and Queen of Arendelle.

Oh now I am starting to panic, but I don't have enough time to panic as the ceremony starts in fifteen minutes.

_Seventeen minutes and twenty four seconds past eight in the evening_

I am, at present, writing this while hiding behind the thrones in the ballroom. I have had it up to here with having people kiss my hand and saying how nice it is to have such a young couple ruling Arendelle. I just want to go to…what is that smell? Oh my goodness it is chocolate. If you excuse me, I have to go fill myself with the velvety goodness until I make myself ill.

_Half past one in the morning_

No matter how hard I try, sleep cannot get a hold of me. This is what happens when you eat too much chocolate, but not quite enough to make you ill. It is for this reason that I have spent the last hour sat in the library reading a very interesting book about myths and legends. Did you know that the previous rulers of Arendelle gave trolls an area to seek refuge called the Valley of the Living Rocks? No, me neither. What else is interesting is the Prophecy, a story my mother used to tell me as a child is also in here.

Legend has it that Arendelle will have a 'ruler with a frozen heart' who will plunge the kingdom and possibly the world into an eternal winter. What a load of nonsense, who would honestly believe all of that?

_Half past eight in the morning_

I was awoken by Gerda, it turns out I fell asleep on the sofa in the library and missed breakfast. Normally I would be livid that I had skipped a meal, but as I still feel overflowing from the chocolate it was most likely a good thing I missed it. So today I am now formally Her Majesty, Queen Lise of Arendelle and my first duty is to arrange a charity event for the local hospital.


	14. September 15th 1814

_September 15th 1814, nine minutes past three in the afternoon_

I am at the end of my tether. Petter's mother is pestering us, no not us, me, asking when I will give my husband and herself an heir, as she wants to have grandchildren before she dies. She is only forty five for goodness sake, the chances of her dying soon are next to none. What happened to King Alexander was unfortunate, but to be fair he had been battling ill health since he was my age. I think if I hear the words 'heir' and 'dying' in the same sentence ever again I will scream.

_Eight o'clock in the evening_

I screamed sooner than I initially thought I would, much to my mother-in-laws disapproval. I confess I probably should have waited until we had finished dinner before I let out a cry of frustration.

* * *

**That's right, From Girl to Queen is back, I have finally got some inspiration!**


	15. September 17th 1814

_September 17th 1814, quarter past eleven in the evening_

Last night Petter and I had a long discussion on the idea of trying to conceive a baby, we both agreed that we want children so we are going to try. So right now I am writing this while sat at the vanity, wearing only a thin, silk slip waiting for my husband to return after attending a last minute meeting. When he walks through that door I am planning on walking over to him with as much attitude as I can muster. He will be captivated by my beauty, causing his manhood to rise high for me as so we can create a babe. Oh that sounds so… vulgar. If my mother read this she would be hanging her head in shame.

_Quarter to twelve in the evening_

My plan miscarried, I did not take into account that Petter would be tired after his meeting and would just have the desire to rest his head. However I shall keep trying whenever I can.


	16. November 30th 1814

_November 30th 1814, Five to six in the evening_

Life has been hectic these last two months, Arendelle has been under some financial troubles. In order to stop us requiring a loan from many of the rich families in Arendelle, including mine, we have increased our trading with other Kingdoms. Because of this reason Petter and I have been working tirelessly to make sure all agreements and assets are in order before the New Year.

On a lighter note, old friends of our Kingdom, the King David and his wife of the Northern Isles are coming to visit for a few days, as they do every couple of years. Last time I saw them, they were recently married and yet to be crowned. They should hopefully be here in the next few hours if the sailing is smooth. However, as I look out of the library window onto the Fjord, I have to hope they don't succumb to seasickness easily.

_Midnight exactly_

It was so lovely to see my friends again, they are looking as young as ever. Although they did give me some bad news over dinner, they recently found out she is unable to bare children which puts a lot of stress on their Kingdom. I felt like I had put my foot in my mouth, if I had realised their situation earlier, I would never have mentioned that Petter and I were trying for a baby. Unable to contain the embarrassment on my part and sadness for the couple I broke down into tears. Why must I be so awkward?

In spite of all of that we had a good time and a wonderful dinner, we told jokes and reminisced about our youth. There was one time when David and I both ran away with Petter and Amie to the North Mountain because we were so against being told what to do, just like typical spoilt teenagers. Oh how we laughed as we ran through the forest, without a care in the world.

We slept under the stars in the snow for two days, it was magical and perfect, we sang, we danced and laughed. Amie even tried to convince us that we could live there for the rest of our lives, but, that was not to be. One morning we woke with our parents and several Arendelle guards looking over us, for a few moments I thought they were going to put us to death for being so reckless. Despite being severely punished, we believed, (and still do) that it was worth it, for those few days we were free and truly happy.

I ought to go to try and sleep now, I have to be up early in the…this morning since I have to still play host. Sleep well.


	17. December 25th 1814

_December 25th, five minutes past three in the morning_

Merry Christmas. I have not had sufficient sleep for the last week, nor had a chance to sit by myself, so I am sat in the library at a ridiculous hour, enjoying the heat that is radiating from the fire. Christmas is a busy time for us, we have attended numerous mind-numbingly drab luncheons, dinners and dances. I was always lead to believe Christmas was a time for relaxing with family and eating chocolate, not spending my waking hours with narcissistic Dukes, perverted Dignitaries and hypocritical Ladies. How I wish I had my friends back here in Arendelle, where we could have the Christmas we did as children. With singing and dancing in the drawing room, large amounts of food in the evening, followed by a warm bath that Amie and I shared before bed, where we stayed up until the early hours of the morning talking nonsense.

If I sit and replay those memories back in my mind I see sadness in the faces of Amie and Petter that I never noticed as a child, I suppose that is what happens when your parents spend the Christmas period with other gentry. Only for them to arrive early Christmas morn with little energy to enjoy the time with their children, so they are sent to their friend's household on the other side of Arendelle, as not to disturb the King and Queen. I hope my own children will never have to deal with such heartbreak and loneliness.

_Twenty minutes to five in the morning_

Future daughters of mine (Yes I shall be having daughters, the thought of dealing with a boy is frightful.) I promise I shall be with you as often as I can.

I shall protect you from the evils of the world.

I shall pick you up when you fall, rather than leaving it to the staff.

I shall brush your hair every night and sing you songs.

I shall rub your back and sing a soothing song when you are unwell. I will not even complain when you vomit over me, which is bound to happen at least once.

I shall hold you when you cry for hours, thanks to your father's tactless way of telling you that you have little-to-no choice in what man you can marry. If either of you are anything like me then you will have a wandering eye, wanting to kiss and marry every attractive and obtainable man you see, but of course you will be loyal to the man you eventually love.

I shall even help you with the, most likely, preposterously difficult homework your tutor sets.

_Six o'clock in the morning_

I may need to rethink that last promise, I have never been good with academics. That can be your father's task, as I clearly have enough of your issues to deal with.

_Ten past six in the morning_

Our family will be perfect, loving, and full of enjoyment and laughter. As long as we have each other, that is all that matters. With your father as the disciplinarian who occasionally sneaks you chocolates when Gerda, who by then will be head maid, is not looking. Then me, your mother, the listening ear and the one you run to when your father isn't being fair. Then lastly, with my two beautiful daughters, one of you is bound to take after Petter, the scholar and athlete with a strong sense of duty. Hopefully one will take after me, the gentle soul, or so that is what people tell me, with a stubborn streak. The heart-breaker who, no matter what, sticks by your family. We will be perfect and I shall love you until the end of time.

If only I already had you in my life then I would be the happiest Queen and woman in this small world, but it will be soon, I am sure of it.


	18. January 4th 1815

_January 4th 1815, three minutes past eight in the morning_

I am going to be an Aunt, can you believe it? As you have most likely have guessed, my dear friend Amie is with child. Inside I am feeling a mixture glee yet disappointment; I am happy for my friend however I wish I didn't receive this news by letter. I wish I could have sat with Amie in my quarters, drinking hot chocolate as we gossip with little care for anything else, then her hand would come over to mine, holding it gently. With a smile on her face and tears in her green eyes she would cry out the announcement with such delight and I would scream with equal enthusiasm. Yet here I am, pencil in one hand and Amie's beautifully written letter in the other. There is even a drawing of a teddy bear in the bottom corner.

_Half past seven in the evening_

I am not worthy of title of friend, nor Queen. I had to join Petter in a meeting this afternoon, unfortunately my head was everywhere but where it was meant to be. All I was able to think of was how I am not there for Amie, I should be helping organise numerous parties needed to celebrate the coming of a new Prince or Princess.

_Quarter to nine in the evening_

Oh gosh, what if I am not able to be there when she goes into labour? I have to be there holding her hand as she pushes a baby from her… oh goodness, maybe it is best if I'm not there. I know Amie, and a mixture of man-like strength and pain would most likely result in me having a broken hand. I might just send her a congratulations hamper.

_Ten o'clock in the evening_

No, I have to be there for her, as a friend, a soon-to-be Aunt and representative of Arendelle.

_Fifteen minutes to two in the morning_

I do have such pretty, slender fingers. It would be a shame to have Amie break them, childbirth or not.

_Half past two in the morning_

I am a dreadful friend.


	19. January 15th 1815

_January 15th 1815, half past three in the afternoon_

Petter has allowed me to visit Amie for a week, which couldn't make me happier. I wanted him to join me, but he is quite busy and doesn't feel comfortable leaving the Kingdom while it is still in a fragile financial state. So it will be like old times, two young women having fun.

_Ten past six in the evening_

We are sewing. Sewing! This is not what I had in mind when I said fun, I was thinking horse-riding, maybe a picnic. Not sat in the drawing room with five other women I have never met before today. All of Amie's so called 'friends' thought it would be a splendid idea to sit and sew after dinner, rather than enjoying our young life. I am going to attempt to break the silence with a joke. Jokes always work.

_Fifteen minutes past six in the evening_

I was mistaken; jokes only work with people who have a sense of humour, which is something that all of these self-centred ladies, with big hair and even bigger busts, lack. At least I made Amie laugh, so that has to count towards something.

_Half past six in the evening_

I am starting to feel very self-conscious about my lack of chest. Of course I am not completely flat chested, but compare to these ladies I might as well be concave. And have you seen how low their dresses are? I mean, of course not, you're a diary, but that isn't the point, I am not exactly a prude but I can practically see their undergarments. I wonder what their mothers would say if they saw them.

Brilliant, now I sound like _my _mother.


	20. January 20th 1815

_January 20th 1815, eight o'clock in the morning_

Amie and I are preparing to spend the day horse riding, unfortunately because I am now Queen I am expected to ride side-saddle which I find extremely difficult and uncomfortable, but that is what is required of my so I shall comply. However we were able to convince Amie's husband to allow only two guards to escort us rather than the seven he requested, this way we will be able to mostly relax. One positive thing about riding is I am able to wear one of my simple and slightly worn woollen dress as not to dirty my more expensive dresses, doing this makes me feel 'normal' even with the escorts and riding side-saddle.

_Around lunch_

I am currently sat under a tree in a nearby forest with Amie's head on my lap fast asleep. Despite us both needing cloaks and blankets to keep our bodies warm this is bliss. It is quiet, snow is still on the ground and the air smells fresh. Amie told me earlier, moments like this make her feel as if she never left Arendelle.

_Three in the afternoon_

I knew riding side-saddle would be a disaster. I can barely move. Failing to realise the backside of my dress was wet from snow, I slipped off the saddle when riding back. Luckily the fall wasn't too bad, it was when my yelp spooked the horse causing it to kick me on the backside that I was hurt.

Don't worry, I am not too injured, I only sustained a few bruises and my backside is tender, but Amie and I have agreed it would be best if I ride astride in the future, Queen or not, I would rather ride like a man than injure myself. We have even agreed to teach our children to ride astride, an odd thing to agree but, what can I say? That is what we do.

_Six in the evening_

The thought of going to dinner frightens me. I cannot sit down, my backside is as sore as when I was caned by my tutor as a child, which I hate to say, happened more times than is acceptable for the daughter of a Knight.

_Half past nine in the evening_

I don't think I shall be able to sit ever again.


	21. February 14th 1815

_February 14th 1815, four in the afternoon_

Today is Valentine's Day, or so I have been told, yet I have not seen my husband for more than in passing. He is extremely busy today so I am not even sure if I will be having our evening meal on my own or with his company. I have already eaten my lunch in my quarters in order to feel less alone.

_Quarter past eleven in the evening_

Petter is more caring than I gave him credit for. Gerda had informed me Petter would not be attending dinner, so just like earlier, I requested to have my food taking to my room. Feeling a sense of depression I slowly made my way back to the bedroom, not even acknowledging the staff in passing.

And there he was, sat in our chambers, dinner set up on a small table, the room lit by candle light. Rising from his seat he gave my hand a kiss before sitting me down opposite his seat. The dinner was simple yet beautifully cooked, we even had wine and chatted about our day, but of course we had t be careful not to spend the whole evening talking about work.

Once dinner had finished we sat in bed, my head on his lap as he read me stories from my favourite childhood book. Then we made beautiful, passionate love, which ended the day on a high.

Now I best sleep, I am quite tired from this evening's activity. Goodnight.


	22. March 3rd 1815

_March 3rd 1815, half past eight in the morning_

I have awful news; my brother is coming to visit today. Apparently he has fallen out with his friend Phillip after our parents came to visit. So now he has decided to leave Paris and visit his dear little sister. I know I should be delighted that my brother is coming to stay, however she can be – how shall I put it? He is a pain in the backside, even worse than when I slipped off my horse. The last time we were under the same roof I was eleven and he was sixteen. Also he never took a shine to Petter and once or twice they may have had a scuffle when Petter called him a woman for enjoying the piano.

Gerda is also not much of a fan of my dear brother, she found him harder to wake than me, and I am as Gerda likes to put it 'as lazy as a sloth on opiates', honestly if it wasn't for the fact she is a good friend and an ever better maid I would have let her go years ago.

_Twenty minutes past nine in the evening_

My brother is treating me like a child, it is demeaning. Petter tried to point out several times, brother or not, that is no way to talk to the Queen. However, he could not give a care in the world and continued to remind me of all the embarrassing things I used to do as a child. I would tell you the stories however I am still too embarrassed to think about them.

Just breath, three more days and he shall be going back home to Paris, I hope.

_Three o'clock in the morning_

He is playing the piano at three o'clock in the morning, what sort of sane man does that? Even worse, he kept the doors of the music room open to allow the sound to travel up to our bedroom. Petter had to calm me down in fear I was going to commit murder. Queens can't get charged for murder, can they? Especially if the victim is their own infuriating brother?

No I can't do that, I just need to calm down, just breathe and think of chocolate and kittens.

There we go.


End file.
